Sign in or register to download original


What really happened

The Angel’s Story

You humans have got it all wrong you know. You’ve been doing these nativity thingies for 2000 years and I’ve yet to see one that’s half right. I suppose it’s our fault for not doing a proper recording.

First off, I find it personally insulting that angels are always portrayed as wimps. Usually by little girls with silly wings stuck on their backs. If you’re going to fly around you need some serious wings – and it takes years of training to get it right.

Actually, we don’t use wings very often these days. It gets the humans in a tiz-waz when they get UFOs on their radar screens.

And then that night. Well, what a mess. The birth should have happened at midday the next day – it was all planned. But if you go sending ladies in Mary’s condition bumping along on a donkey for days for end, what do you think is going to happen? The baby was 12 hours early of course. The boss wasn’t too pleased about it at the time, but I suppose it turned out all right in the end. But finding that stable was a bit of a struggle, I can tell you...


Room at the inn

Innkeeper (leaning on bar, to imaginary customer) It gets me really annoyed you know, this census business. I mean it’s good for trade, but it’s such a shambles. People traipsing all over the country. Why can’t we just tell them where we come from instead of having to go there?

I reckon it’s ‘cos the Romans want to keep tabs on terrorists. When people are out of their houses, the army goes in and does weapons searches. Not so much as a “by your leave”. They just enjoy keeping us under their thumb.

(Sound of knocking)

Miriam, see who that is is will you? (To customer) I hope it’s not more visitors. We’re choc-a-bloc already – people all over the floor in the bar. It’s getting ridiculous. I just hope it’s not the army coming to turf everyone out. They do that you know – think it’s a great joke to have everybody standing outside wearing not a lot whilst they turn the place over. Gives the squaddies something to do all night.


Wise Persons

Melchior Well, I don’t feel very wise. Here we are in the middle of no-where, haven’t a clue where we’re going and carrying some pretty valauble stuff. If we get stopped by a Roman patrol how are we going to explain ourselves? “Oh, Centurion, we’re just following that star – you know, the one just to the left of Sagittarius”

“Yes Sir”, he’ll say. “I believe you: just accompany me to the guard house whilst we search your bags”. And when we can’t explain why we’re here we’ll find ourselves accused of theft.

Balthazar Oh, come on. It’s not as bad as that. Do we look like common thieves?

Melchior Frankly, yes. I haven’t had a wash in a fortnight and everything’s covered in sand and dust. I’ve never been so dirty in all my life.


© Ian Harrison 2011

Log in to create a review