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A phone call home from Tyre by Paul Rand
© Paul Rand 2015

Hello love, it’s me.
It’s me!
Yeah, sorry, it’s a bit noisy here.
Hang on a moment.
Andrew, could you shut that door please! Yes, I know it’s crowded in there but I’m trying to have a
conversation with the wife.
Right, that’s better.
Where am I? I’m in Tyre.
Tyre, near Sidon.
Yes, all the way up here.
I know……I know I should have told you where I was going.
Yep, I’m sorry love, but Jesus swore us all to secrecy.
Well, no, he didn’t make us swear exactly, you know he doesn’t believe in swearing, “let your yes be yes
and your no be no.”
But he made us say yes we’d keep it a secret and no, we wouldn’t even tell our wives where we were
going.
Why the secrecy? Because we’ve not managed to get a moment to ourselves recently.
Yes, I know you’d like a few moments for the two of us to have to ourselves but I just have to stay with him
at the moment. He needs us, we’re his family.
No, no, I’ve not forgotten I’ve got another family back at home.
Look, I’m sure we’ll be home in a few days time and then I’ll make sure we have some quality time
together.
But look, you know what it’s been like. It’s been crazy. We can’t go anywhere without huge crowds
following us. Don’t you remember when he came to our house? It was bursting at the seams with people.
What? The bill from the roofers? How much?
OK, I’ll speak to Judas again, see how much of it he can cover.
Yes, we keep telling Jesus he ought to start charging for his services but he just can’t turn anyone away and
he’s got this thing about freely giving.
So anyway, we had to get away to go somewhere quiet, away from all the crowds.
Why couldn’t we find somewhere quite in Galilee?
Well, we did try that! We tried to go to that quiet spot across the other side of the lake but the crowds just
ran along the lake side and were there to meet us when we got there.
Thomas even suggested rowing back out into the middle of the lake to get some peace but Peter and
Andrew said there were storms on the way.
Yes, …., no…… you’re right, Jesus wouldn’t have let us turn the boat around anyway.
Yes, he gave in and had took pity on them again. Well, actually he calls it compassion.
No, I told you, the food didn’t cost us anything. There wasn’t nearly enough money in the purse to feed
that lot – there were 5000 men, not to mention some of their women and children.
Yes, he’s assured us that our roof is at the top of the list for any expenditure.
No, like I said, all he used was five small loaves of bread and two fish and that was some boy’s pack lunch.
What?...... Well how he normally does these things. By prayer.

So anyway, getting back to the subject, we couldn’t think of anywhere else in Galilee where we could get
some peace and quiet.
And he was being bothered by those bureaucratic busybodies from Jerusalem, wanting to ask why he
wasn’t getting us to follow their purity rituals and wash our hands before we ate. I mean. Do they seriously
expect him to make sure that 5000 + hungry people to wash their hands before tucking in?
Why Tyre?
Well, Matthew sorted it out for us. An old business colleague of his is stationed up here.
Yes, don’t worry, he’s a good Jew. I’m not staying in a foreigners house.
What’s he doing up here in Tyre? Well, he’s a tax collector. For the Romans. You know that’s what
Matthew used to do.
Well, no, I know you think that’s not much better than staying with a foreigner, but he’s not that bad
really. He’s only trying to make a living and he’s been very hospitable.
Sorry? What was that? Someone’s opened the door again.
Hang on again a moment.
Philip, can you shut the door, I’m on the phone.
Right, sorry, what were you saying love?
Well yes, we did come here for some peace and quiet.
Well no, it didn’t really work out.
No, we’d not even untied our sandals before some local woman comes bursting in through the door and
throws herself at Jesus’ feet.
Yes, of course she was foreign.
Well no, ….. yes ….. well no, he did try to turn her away. Yes, really!
Well actually, John reckons he never would have done really. That he was just testing her. That God loves
the whole world the same.
But I dunno, he used some pretty strong language. He as good as told her she was a dog.
Well, yeah, I know everyone calls them gentile dogs, but I’ve never heard him use those words before.
He always speaks so kindly and tenderly to people in need.
At first I just thought he was telling her to go away and leave us in peace for a while – to come back after
we’d had something to eat.
Cos what he said was this. He said “I need to feed my children first. It’s not right to take food from the
children and throw it to the dogs.”
Well, OK, it might be obvious to you what he meant. You women always seem to get what he’s really
On about so much quicker than us but….
Well yes, she understood him too.
No, she didn’t seem all that offended by it.
She seemed to get what he was saying, and what she said back to him, well it was like hearing one of his
answers – you know, the really clever, wise answers that he gives when someone’s trying to catch him out.
And they can never say anything back. It just silences all their criticisms. Makes them scared to ask
anymore questions.
What? …..Yes, I was just about to tell you what she said. Give me a chance woman!
She said, “That’s true, but even the dogs are allowed to eat the scraps that fall onto the floor under the
table.”
Yeah, I know, pretty smart for a dumb foreigner.
Well, he was impressed.
And he gave her what he wanted. Her daughter was healed.

Yes, it was her daughter she’d come for. Not that we saw the daughter, but from what the woman said, it
sounds like she was in a right state.
Probably parental neglect I’d say.
Anyway, apparently her daughter was fine when she got home and that was when the real trouble started.
Well, you give in to one of them and the floodgates open and there’s no stopping them.
It’ll just encourage more and more people to come and try to get access to him.
Already it feels just as busy as it does back home, except then it’s good honest, hardworking Jews that
we’re helping, not these scrounging Syrian scum.
Yes, the house is overrun with Syrians.
Well yes, I know we’re in their country at the moment.
But what if they start following us when we head for home? What then? Can you imagine it, Galilee
overrun with Syrian migrants.
That would really give the Jerusalem folk something to moan about. I bet the Syrians don’t even wash their
hands after going to the toilet, let alone before eating. And who knows what they eat!
I think Jesus should have stuck to his original principles. Look after your own and let others deal with their
own problems and look after their own children.
What? ….. Sorry love, I know I’m ranting again?
Yeah, how’s Abigail been? She’s still awake? Oh, put her on for a moment will you?
Hiya my little girl. How are you? Are you being good for mummy?
Yes, daddy will be home soon. No, not tonight my love but soon.
Yes, I’m here with Jesus. Yes, I’ll tell him again that you love him. Yes, he made you better didn’t he.
I’ve got to go now Abigail. You be good for mummy won’t you. And sleep well. Night night. You put
mummy back on now. Bye……
Hi. Yeah, I’d better go now too. Go and do a bit of crowd control.
See you soon love. I promise. Love you. Bye.

 

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