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Fruit of the Spirit sketch by Paul Rand
© Paul Rand 2016
Sergeant: Ah, PC Plum!
Plum: Yes Sergeant Satsuma?
Sergeant: [hands Plum a clipboard] Get these fruits in order would you?
Plum: I don’t mean to speak out of turn sir, but isn’t this your shopping list sir? 5 apples, 3 oranges, 4 bananas, half a pound of strawberries…
Sergeant: Ah, yes, sorry, wrong list Plum, here’s the list I meant to give you. They’re the new fruits… I mean, the new recruits. Bit of a lawless bunch of grapes if you ask me. That’s why I’m relying on you, Plum, to get ‘em into order – get ‘em all lined up on the ‘Plumb Line’, if you’ll excuse the pun!
Plum: [Looks a bit confused] Err, right you are sir.
[Sergeant goes off]
Plum: Now then, who have we got in these new recruits? Sounds like a right bunch of bananas… Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness …
Faithfulness: Here sir!
[Faithfulness has been there hanging around from the start. Plum ignores her. Faithfulness continues to stick close to Plum wherever he goes from now on].
Plum: …Gentleness and Self-control. So, best start from the top. Love… Have we got Love here?
Love: Love here at your service sir. [Love arrives and gives PC Plum a big hug – PC Plum not sure how to respond.]
Plum: OK, OK, that’s enough of that Love, just take a seat here will you.
Plum: Right, who’s next, Joy. Anyone called Joy here?
Joy: Here sir! [bats a balloon at Plum]

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