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Meditations for Carers
22. Rags, and losing them

Ephesians 4.26a

I like to think of myself as basically an okay person – and I’m sure that you are much better than okay! But one of the things I dislike most about being a carer is that it shows me up to myself in the worst possible light – I seem to do so much wrong! And today I’m feeling angry. I think first of all I’m angry with God about this illness and the effect it’s having on us and our lives. Then I’m angry with the doctors who brushed us aside. If only we’d had a diagnosis earlier . . . And of course I’m angry with myself because I didn’t realize there was something really wrong until it was staring me in the face.

But the worst thing about my anger is that I do get cross and impatient with my loved one. Sometimes it seems as if he’s doing things purposely (yes, I know he’s not!) and then I get very angry with myself for losing my rag with him. It’s a vicious circle and once on it, it seems very difficult to get off and create peace again. But I do recognize that’s in my current job description. It’s up to me to create the atmosphere in our home and regardless of how I feel, we need to be living in peace and calmness. So it’s time to bite the bullet and go and apologize again, smooth ruffled feathers and pour oil...

Taken from One Day at a Time: Meditations for Carers by Dorothy M.Stewart
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